About Femke
Strong & sensitive.
Clarity over control.
Ease with no effort.
You can have it too.
I didn’t create Selfgentleness to teach it. I created it because I needed it. For most of my life, I was the strong one. The one others depended on. It was exhausting, because I never learned to have my own back first. Selfgentleness changed that. Now I’m here to share it with you.
it began with awareness
My Story
As I realized that I was the one to take care of my own needs, I could finally let go of being 'the strong one'...
Growing up as a parentified kid, being 'the strong one' was my way to cope with things. For decades I never asked for help. I showed up for anyone who needed me - loving unconditionally, but completely ignoring what I needed and wanted.
Years of inner work (self-help books, therapy, meditation) made me see that being the strong one was how I tried to feel worthy of love. Even my own. It helped me to understand my patterns, triggers and behavior. But to actually, deeply change how I felt about myself, was way harder. Each time I tried to put myself first, life happened and would make me feel like all that inner work had been useless. Like I had to start all over again. While hoping someone else would take over.
One day, right after my morning meditation, I had a thought that changed the way I was thinking about myself: as long as I would not take care of my own needs, no one else would too. I decided to stop trying to 'fix' myself, and to become radically gentle with myself.
Over the last decade, I developed processes and practices to treat myself in a gentler, more compassionate and kinder way. And it worked. My inner dialogue changed from harsh to gentle. Selfgentleness was born.
teaching selfgentleness since 2019
26k+ Students
1 Membership
2 Languages
784k+ Meditators
225+ Live Events
And then I discovered that selfgentleness works for other people too.
The practices, meditation, processes developed for myself showed to be helpful to others too. When I started to first tell and later teach about selfgentleness, I started to receive message from people saying how I had helped them to feel differently about themselves.
People like you and me. Who are finally done 'fixing' themselves. Who are, after years of hard inner work' ready to find ease. To connect to a gentler inner voice. And to know what to do when life challenges you. Every time again.
AND NOW i created selfgentleness academy where i help 'the strong ones' to be gentle with themselves. No matter what
ABOUT THE FOUNDER of selfgentleness academy
Hello, I'm Femke
Selfgentleness teacher, behavioral scientist, author, and former actor and screen writer. Mom of two. Living hand in hand with the love of my life. And most of all: Human Being.
At the heart of my work is understanding the human inner world. I explore it through research, creativity, meditation, and selfgentleness, and translate what I find into stories and practices.
As a behavioral scientist, I research and teach how and why individuals matter in political and societal life. Without going into detail here, you can read more about my academic work here. Before earning my PhD, I spent nearly two decades as a professionally trained actor and screenwriter. I worked in theatre and television, learning how stories shape understanding, emotion, and connection. You can find more about my former acting career on IMDb and on the Dutch version of Wikipedia. In 2018 I became a certified meditation teacher at The Veda Centre. This is where everything came together — my life experience, research background, and creative work — into what I now call Selfgentleness teachings.
You don't need more fixing
you need gentleness
Ease grows when you
stop fighting who you are
Selfgentleness is
self-love in action
Selfgentleness begins with
listening to yourself.
OUR PHILOSOPHY
Listen Inward /
Gentleness is Strength
Enough is Enough /
Ease is Not Earned
You Aren't The Problem
Selfgentleness is not about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about learning to relate to yourself differently. With honesty, care, and respect. So you can meet life as it is, without turning against yourself.
This philosophy offers a different starting point. Less fixing. Less forcing. More listening. And a way of moving through life that creates ease, clarity, and inner steadiness.
You Don't Need to
Fix Yourself
Wherever you are, there’s a place to begin. Start with one easy step. Whenever you're ready. Download the Selfgentleness Starter Guide + Audio here
