Why Am I Still So Hard on Myself?
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You understand yourself better than you used to. And still, when something goes wrong, when someone is disappointed in you, when life gets demanding, you go straight back to criticizing yourself, overriding what you need, making yourself last.
You know this pattern. You just can’t seem to stop it.
This short quiz looks at three specific areas where being gentle with yourself tends to break down, even for people who are self-aware and have already done a lot of inner work.
At the end, you’ll receive a personal reflection by email that shows you where you are in your relationship with yourself right now, and why being gentle with yourself is sometimes difficult even when you know better.
About This Quiz
This quiz was created by Dr. Femke Bakker, a researcher at Leiden University who has spent years studying how people respond under pressure, and someone who has spent just as long exploring what it actually takes to change that pattern from the inside.
She built this because she knows it from her own life. Not just from research, but from having lived it herself.
If you have already done a lot of inner work and still find yourself back in the same place, this quiz was made for you. Not as a starting point, but as an honest look at where you actually are right now.
I know how impossible it can feel sometimes, to imagine ever getting to a place where you can handle what life brings and still take care of yourself. I’ve been there. Honestly, sometimes I still am.
What I want you to know is that it does get easier. Not because life stops being hard, but because you start to feel, somewhere deeper than knowing, that when life gets hard again, you won’t have to start over. You’ll still feel it. But you’ll know how to be with yourself in it. Not by pushing through, but by being gentle. And that will be enough.
What Happens After You Take the Quiz
The quiz takes about three minutes. When you finish, you’ll receive a personal reflection by email that meets you exactly where you are, and helps you understand why this particular pattern keeps showing up even when you know yourself well.
After that, I’ll send you a few emails with useful tips and tools to help you start becoming more gentle with yourself. Then every Tuesday you’ll receive one of my weekly letters, where I use stories from my own life and the people I work with to inspire you to find that gentleness with yourself daily.
You can unsubscribe at any time
What You’ll Explore in This Quiz
Inner dialogue
Emotional capacity
Boundaries under pressure
How you speak to yourself when something goes wrong or when you feel like you’re falling short.
How you respond to difficult emotions instead of pushing them away.
How you stay connected to what you need when life gets demanding.
Take The Quiz
Take The Selfgentleness Quiz
What Does It Mean to Be Selfgentle?
Being selfgentle doesn’t mean you feel peaceful all the time, or that you avoid hard conversations and difficult responsibilities. It means that when life gets demanding, you don’t abandon yourself.
It isn’t a technique you apply or a mood you try to maintain. It’s a perspective, one that gradually shifts how you relate to your emotions, your needs, and yourself. Selfgentleness is the practice of radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.
