SELFGENTLENESS
A practice that holds when life gets hard
You’re not broken.
You’re human under stress.
Selfgentleness™ means accepting yourself
as the one person who consistently deserves your own gentleness
specially when it’s uncomfortable.
This is not about understanding yourself better.
It’s about staying with yourself when it actually matters.
SELFGENTLENESS
A practice that
holds when life gets hard
You’re not broken.
You’re human under stress.
Selfgentleness™ means
accepting yourself
as the one person who consistently deserves your own gentleness
specially when it’s uncomfortable.
This is not about
understanding yourself better.
It’s about staying with yourself when it actually matters.
Does This feel familiar:
Why does this still feel so hard, even though I know better?
1.
After years of buying courses, reading a big pile of self-help books, and therapy, I know the tools. Why do I still think: "When will I be good enough?"
2.
So many people rely on me that “me-time” keeps getting pushed back—and I’m exhausted.
3.
All my life I’ve felt I have to handle everything alone. When I do need help, I have to ask again and again. And I really don't like asking.
4.
I wish I could say no without feeling guilty when someone asks me for help. Again.
Welcome to Selfgentleness Academy
You already understand yourself quite well. That’s not the problem. You’ve read the books. Taken the courses. Done the inner work.
And still, when life gets demanding, you end up carrying everything alone. You push through. You feel guilty saying no. You turn on yourself when it’s hard.
The Selfgentleness Academy exists for exactly those moments. It doesn’t promise a life without pressure. It offers something more realistic and more supportive.
A way to stay on your own side when guilt shows up.
A practice you can actually access when stress, conflict, or self-doubt hit. Ongoing support so you don’t have to do this alone anymore.
Over time, this changes how life feels. Not because everything becomes easy, but because you stop abandoning yourself when it isn’t.
“Learning these techniques with personal interaction and advice from Femke is life-changing.”
— Melinda King
dr. Femke E. Bakker
I created Selfgentleness
because ... honestly...
I needed it.
Growing up with far more responsibilities than any kid should have, I became the strong one—saving the day (and everyone in it) and always feeling I had to prove myself.
Years of hard inner work, including therapy and meditation-teacher training, helped me a lot; I was healing. But even with all the self-insight and reflection, I kept wondering when my time would finally come: a time of ease, of saying no without guilt.
Selfgentleness turned out to be the answer, a practice that stays with me when life gets hard.
selfgentleness academy™
Come In - You're So Welcome!
Selfgentleness Academy is a steady place to return to when life feels demanding.
You begin with The Foundational Path, where you gently ground the basics of selfgentleness. From there, you’re free to explore Selfgentleness Tracks — clear, supportive paths that help you focus on what matters most right now. There’s nothing you need to fix or catch up on. Just a place to return to when your moment opens up, especially on hard days..
what's inside the academy
Step-by-Step Practices
How to be selfgentle
The Foundational Path
A gentle introduction (or return) to the foundations of selfgentleness. The Foundational Path offers simple, short practices you can come back to whenever life feels demanding. These practices form a steady base — something you don’t have to reinvent each time things get hard.
The Foundational Path is not about doing it perfectly.
It’s about having something to rely on.
explore further
Selfgentleness Tracks
After the Foundational Path, you’re free to choose where to focus next. Selfgentleness Tracks offer support for different moments in life — including emotional resilience, relationships, boundaries, or stress — through gentle practices and reflections.
You can follow one track from beginning to end, or return to what you need when life shifts. There’s no fixed order.
shared focus
Monthly Themes
Each month, we explore a shared theme inside the Academy. You’ll receive a gentle guide, a selection of short videos and practices, and a live group call to reflect together.
You can follow along closely, or let it sit in the background. It’s there to support you, not to keep you busy. Themes are invitations, not requirements — they’re there when life brings that topic to the surface.
We also have a community space where reflections and questions can be shared in between sessions — in your own time, in your own way.
connect live together
anytime support
Community & Live
Sessions
On-Demand Library
Join live group calls where we reflect together on selfgentleness in real life.
I’m present to hold and guide the conversation, offer perspective, and respond to questions. You’re welcome to listen quietly, share something that’s on your mind, or simply be there.
We also have a community space where reflections and questions can be shared in between sessions — in your own time, in your own way.
You also have access to a growing library of video recordings from my Selfgentleness Lives (125+), along with guided practices and reflections.
The Selfgentleness Library is there for self-paced exploration — to revisit, discover, or simply listen. Especially when something resonates or you need support right away.
How would this feel?
Small-But-Real Shifts You'll Notice First
01
Discovering what you really need and allowing it in (guilt-free).
02
Feeling more confident saying "no" instead of defaulting to people-pleasing.
03
Finding moments of ease and real me-time, even on full days
04
Relaxing the inner critic, letting your inner supporter guide your decisions.
05
Gradually loosening guilt and ‘not-enough’ thoughts, with more moments of calm and clarity
What to Expect
1. Begin when you feel ready
There’s no right moment to join.
You don’t need to prepare, fix yourself, or be “good at this”. If selfgentleness speaks to you now, you’re welcome to begin.
You can join the Academy at any time.
3. My presence & community
I’m present through live sessions and guidance, and we share together in our community space.
You’re welcome to listen quietly, ask questions, or take part when it feels right.
2. A steady rhythm of support
Each month has a gentle theme related to selfgentleness, often connected to the foundational tracks. You engage in your own way. Nothing is mandatory. Nothing expires.
4. A gentle beginning, together
Monthly is flexible.
Annual offers the space and continuity this practice often needs, without interruption.
Both give full access to the Academy.
MAKING IT STICK
“Being in Femke’s membership is wonderful. Life feels better when I’m taking good care of myself. Her simple, soothing tools don’t take much time, so I actually use them. I’ll keep coming back to these practices whenever I need it.”
-NIENKE westerhof
“I love Femke’s gentle, guiding tone and have already noticed a softer inner voice.”
SOFTER SELF-TALK
- NIta
“Femke sets me up for a self-gentle day with each lesson. It’s like building a new muscle.”
NEW DAILY HABIT
- richard
“I have been meditating with Femke for many years. She has taught me to appreciate selfgentleness and helped me to apply it to many aspects of my life.”
feels supported
- luanne
A year from now you’ll be glad you chose ease today.
YOUR NEXT STEP STARTS HERE
Two ways to be part of selfgentleness Academy
Monthly
Full access includes:
the foundational path
selfgentleness tracks & monthly themes
live guidance from femke
the selfgentleness library
Cancel anytime
join the academy
Annual
Everything in the Monthly plan
Live guidance from Femke, year-round
One simple annual payment
A steady place to return to, held for the year
join the academy
for flexibility and ease
For continuity and deeper support.
€19 / month
€199 / year (≈€16,50 p/m)
You’re closer than you think.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve done the inner work. Now you need help trusting it.
You just want someone to remind you that you deserve your own gentleness—radically and consistently—and to show you how to live it, moment by moment, day after day.
Because the deep work is already behind you, now it’s time to trust it. Let me guide you in supporting yourself with selfgentleness, one step at a time.
You're in the right place.
you can just start to practice it.”
— dr. femke e. bakker
“You don’t need to earn selfgentleness -
In your first month inside the Academy, you’ll begin to
Pause for two selfgentle minutes between tasks, and feel your breath (and shoulders) gently settle.
Reclaim Me-Time
Find words that let you say calmly and confidently “no, thank you” without drama or lingering guilt.
Set Boundaries Gently
Learn how to meet harsh thoughts in the moment — without spiraling or needing to fix yourself first.
Quiet the Inner Critic
Use nervous-system soothers that bring you back to center in roughly the time it takes the kettle to boil.
Find Everyday Ease
Share your wins or wobbles in the member space, or hop on a live Hot-Seat Group Call when you’d like a face-to-face nudge. You can also find a Selfgentle Buddy and meet regularly to support each other.
Feel Seen in Community
After the Foundational Path, choose where to focus next — boundaries, emotions, relationships, ease, or whatever feels most relevant right now. Follow what meets you best, and let your focus shift as life does.
Follow Your Tailored Track
hey there!
I'm Femke, your
selfgentle
friend.
Founder of Selfgentleness. Lover of life. Embracer of ease. Happy “no-sayer” when it protects my peace, and wholehearted “yes-sayer” when it feels right. Living together happily with the love of my life. Mum of two (most wonderful adult) kids + a dog and a cat. Sailor. Storyteller. Doing work that I love: research, teaching and writing.
But it wasn't always this way.
Growing up as a parentified kid etched one belief deeply: be strong, adapt, support everyone else. For decades I never asked for help. I showed up for anyone who needed me—loving unconditionally, yet completely out of tune with my own needs and desires. Years of inner work made me see that being the strong one was how I tried to feel worthy of love. I understood the pattern, but each time I tried to put myself first, life happened and pulled me straight back. One day it hit me: if I would not have my own back, no one else would too. I decided to become gentle with myself.
It wasn’t easy at first, but through study, meditation, and countless small experiments I noticed that I felt better. Experienced more ease. I shaped those discoveries into a way of living that I now call Selfgentleness. And everything changed. I stopped explaining myself, learned to say no, and began prioritizing feeling good over pleasing others. Tuning in daily, and giving myself what I actually needed.
Letting go of my old stories helped me to define myself who I am today. Selfgentle. Still here to support others, but never at my own expense. I dare to be vulnerable, let my emotions be my compass. I’m proud to be sensitive. I am proud to be me. Because I have a practice that stays with me when life gets hard
Selfgentleness Academy is unlike any other membership because...
It guides you, step by step, into a new way of living
You begin with The Foundational Path, where you gently ground the basics of selfgentleness and learn how to meet yourself in everyday life.
From there, you’re invited into Selfgentleness Tracks — clear, supportive paths that help you focus on what feels most relevant right now, such as emotions, relationships, boundaries, or simply finding more ease.
Each month offers a shared theme, with optional guides, practices, and live moments to support you. Along the way, you’re supported through live sessions and group calls with Dr. Femke E. Bakker, and a community of people who understand what it’s like to carry a lot.
Prefer to explore freely? You can always turn to the Selfgentleness Library and find something supportive in the moment.
Structure when you want it. Freedom when you need it.
You can bring your questions straight to femke
Each month begins with a gentle anchor — a selfgentleness guide or workbook with practices, or a short video that helps you orient to the theme. Think Cultivating Self-Love, Emotional Resilience, Loving Your Body, Preparing for a Selfgentle Holiday Season, Gratitude, or Letting Go of Perfectionism, to name a few.
Throughout the month, you’ll receive weekly journaling prompts in the community space — small invitations to reflect, share, or simply notice what’s unfolding for you.
Mid-month, we come together in a small Live Group Call — never recorded, so the space stays safe and intimate. Bring the knot that’s tugging at you, and I’ll stay with you until we find a gentle next step.
No VIP tier. No extra invoice. Just real conversation, eye to eye — so you’re never practicing alone.
You begin in a smaller circle, and widen when you’re ready.
When you join the Academy, you start in a quieter space — a place to arrive gently, get oriented, and begin with The Foundational Path.
That smaller space stays available for check-ins, reflections, and shared moments. A place to land, and to return to whenever you need grounding.
As you feel ready, the wider community is there for you too — people who understand what it’s like to carry a lot, and who are glad to walk alongside you.
There’s no rush to move outward.
You grow at your own pace, with room to begin softly and expand naturally.
You stay in charge, always.
Cancel anytime on the monthly plan — or choose the annual option and pay less per month. Shape your experience so it fits your life.
Float gently or go deeper. Move through the Foundational Path at your own pace, draw inspiration from the monthly Themes, explore the Selfgentleness Tracks or browse the Library, or simply follow what matters most to you right now.
When a specific question comes up, type it into the search bar and land on a practice that helps. Selfgentleness isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula — it’s you, crafting a personal way of living kindly with yourself.
You — just as you are — stay at the center.
The hard part isn’t deciding.
Anyone can decide to be selfgentle in a single moment. The hard part is the follow-through—especially on the messy days. That’s where Selfgentleness Academy helps: it takes your “I want to be kinder to myself” promise and shows you how to return to it, without adding more pressure. Day after day you’re handed short, doable practices, guidance for the tough moments, and steady reminders that you’re already lovable. Before long you catch yourself using the tools on your own, exactly when you need them most.
So lean back and wonder for a second:
what might happen if you could put yourself first, without feeling that guilt?
It’s staying with yourself on hard days.
Over time, this is what many people begin to notice in their daily lives:
Mornings feel less heavy. Not perfect. Just more gentle.
Saying “no” becomes cleaner, with less explaining and less guilt afterward.
The inner critic loses authority, and your own voice becomes easier to trust in ral moments.
You can care for yourself in small moments, right inside real life.
You notice how much less you’re bracing yourself against life. There’s less effort in being yourself.
When things get hard, you know how to stay with yourself instead of pushing through.
Choosing yourself starts to feel steady rather than selfish, even when others rely on you.
This is for you if:
You’ve already explored your own patterns
You’re ready to put yourself first
Two-minute practice sounds doable
You’re hoping for an overnight cure
You’re in acute crisis—professional care comes first
It's probably not for you if...
You’d rather someone else do the work for you
Sources
Ask ChatGPT
when you're ready
Join The Academy
Two ways to be part of selfgentleness Academy
Monthly
Full access includes:
the foundational path
selfgentleness tracks & monthly themes
live guidance from femke
the selfgentleness library
Cancel anytime
join the academy
Annual
Everything in the Monthly plan
Live guidance from Femke, year-round
One simple annual payment
A steady place to return to, held for the year
join the academy
for flexibility and ease
For continuity and deeper support.
€19 / month
€199 / year (≈€16,50 p/m)
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I join right now?
Yes, you can join today! Simply click the link, create an account and you'll receive a welcome email with your log in details. You gain immediate access to everything in Selfgentleness Academy.
How much time will this take?
Daily practices run start at two minutes. Track lessons are 10–15 minutes—easy to slip into a break. Live sessions last 60–90 minutes and you can watch the replay whenever you like. How much time you spend is always up to you.
What if I miss a live call?
Theme Sessions are recorded and added to the library the next day. Group calls with Femke are live, but they aren’t recorded—so the space stays private. If you miss one, you can always post your question in the community for feedback.
What if I have a question for Femke?
Post it in the community or submit it ahead of the next Live Group call. I pick the most common themes to tackle live, and we learn a lot from each other’s questions. If yours isn’t covered that month, you can bring it to the following Live or receive feedback from members who’ve faced something similar.
What happens once I join?
You’lll get immediate access. Watch Femke's welcome message with the quick tour of Selfgentleness Academy. You can start with the Foundational Path or choose a Selfgentleness Track. All in your pace, focused on what you want to explore today
How much guidance will I get?
Plenty when you want it: monthly Theme Live, small Group calls, and community threads. Or keep it low-touch and lean on the recorded tools—it’s your call.
Do I have to post in the community?
Not at all. Many members start quietly, watching replays and using the library. Share only when you’re ready.
How much does it cost, and can I cancel?
What if I have another question?
The monthly plan costs €19 per month, and can be cancelled any time. If you choose an annual subscription you pay €199 (which comes down to €16,50 per month) and you'll have access for a full year.
Send an email to info [at] selfgentlenessacademy [dot] com with your question. We'll answer you as soon as possible.
7
Years of teaching Selfgentleness
200+
Live sessions hosted
26k+
Meditation plays
791k+
Students helped
Feeling a Little Hesitant?
Let’s Talk It Through
I totally get the hesitation. “Is this really for me?” “Shouldn’t I fix X, Y, Z first?” Or maybe a community filled people like you sounds overwhelming.
It’s okay. You’re okay. Press “Email Me,” and send me your question. I'll read and answer it myself. Promised.
