SELFGENTLENESS =
The Key To Self-Love
You’re done with all the hard inner work. Now you're ready to leave "all drama" (including that of other people) behind and start feeling ease, light and rested. Feeling you again. Selfgentleness™ is the practice of radically accepting yourself as the most important person who consistently deserves your own gentleness.
Selfgentleness is not just another buzz-word, not just another course to take. It's a new way of living, gaining a new perspective on yourself and your life that will bring you more ease and joy. Making you feel deeply that you are exactly right. Just like you are. Right now. No more hard work on yourself needed.
Welcome to the Selfgentleness Academy
Picture this: you wake up rested. No racing mind. No inner critic on a megaphone. Time with friends and family feels lighter. People-pleasing is off; selfgentle boundaries are on. And when you put your feet up tonight, radical self-acceptance isn’t an abstract concept anymore. It’s becoming your reality.
That’s the Selfgentleness Way: small, steady self-compassion practices that bring more ease and joy into your life. More and more you notice a new thought rising: “I’m finally enough.”
Does This feel familiar:
When will life finally
feel easier?
1.
After years of buying courses, reading a big pile of self-help books, and therapy, I know the tools. Why do I still think: "When will I be good enough?"
2.
So many people rely on me that “me-time” keeps getting pushed back—and I’m exhausted.
3.
All my life I’ve felt I have to handle everything alone. When I do need help, I have to ask again and again. And I really don't like asking.
4.
I wish I could say no without feeling guilty when someone asks me for help. Again.
“Learning these techniques with personal interaction and advice from Femke is life-changing.”
— Melinda King
I'm dr. Femke E. Bakker - recovering perfectionist
I created Selfgentleness
because ... honestly...
I needed it.
Growing up with far more responsibilities than any kid should have, I became the strong one—saving the day (and everyone in it) and always feeling I had to prove myself.
Years of hard inner work, including therapy and meditation-teacher training, helped me a lot; I was healing. But even with all the self-insight and reflection, I kept wondering when my time would finally come: a time of ease, of saying no without guilt.
Selfgentleness turned out to be the answer, finally bringing more ease and joy back into my life.
selfgentleness academy™
Come In - You're So Welcome!
Turn small moments of me-time into a daily sense of ease, joy, and a growing feeling of self-love. You begin with The Foundational Path, where you gently ground the basics of selfgentleness and learn how to support yourself in everyday life. From there, you’re free to explore what feels most relevant in the moment — whether that’s self-love, emotions, relationships, boundaries, or simply finding more ease.
Join live sessions and intimate group calls with Dr. Femke E. Bakker. Meet people who truly get you, and, if you wish, find a selfgentleness buddy along the way. Be inspired by our Monthly Themes, and explore a growing library of session replays, practices, reflections, and tools — all there for you, ready whenever your moment finally opens up.
what's inside the academy
Step-by-Step Practices
How to be selfgentle
The Foundational Path
Get introduced — or reintroduced — to the foundations of selfgentleness. One short practice each day helps you build a gentle routine you can return to whenever life feels tough. These daily practices form the foundation you’ll keep coming back to as you continue living your selfgentle life.
dive deeper
Tailored Tracks & Monthly Themes
After the Foundational Path, you’re free to choose where to focus next — boundaries, emotions, relationships, ease, or whatever feels most alive for you right now.
Each focus area is designed to meet you where you are — helping you slow down, make sense of what’s going on inside, and respond to yourself with more ease.
A fresh monthly theme (think “Gratitude” or “Letting Go of Expectations”) lands in your space to keep things relevant. You can follow one focus from beginning to end, or move between them as life shifts.
connect live
Community & Hot-Seat Group Calls
Share wins, wobbles, and aha’s with people who truly get you. Join our live Hot-Seat Group calls for real-time coaching with Femke, or post in the community space whenever you need a gentle nudge. Prefer one-to-one support? Opt into a Selfgentle Buddy Match and check in with a like-minded member each week. It’s the accountability and warmth you’ve been missing in solo self-help.
anytime support
On-Demand Library & Smart Search
Explore a library of 200-plus recordings from Femke’s live sessions, plus all her courses, worksheets, and guided audios—ready the moment you need them. A smart search tool points you to the right practice or track for your mood or challenge, so you spend less time scrolling and more time feeling better.
How would this feel?
Small-But-Real Shifts You'll Notice First
01
Discovering what you really need and allowing it in (guilt-free).
02
Feeling more confident saying "no" instead of defaulting to people-pleasing.
03
Finding ease, true me-time, and more joy sprinkled throughout your day.
04
Relaxing the inner critic, letting your inner supporter guide your decisions.
05
Trading guilt and “not-enough” feelings for confidence, calm and clarity.
How it Works
1. Start by putting your name on the list
You can add your name to the waitlist if you’d like to stay in the loop. There’s no commitment and no decision to make now. When Selfgentleness Academy opens again, I’ll email you and you can feel into it then.
3. when the doors open
A few times a year, I open the doors to Selfgentleness Academy for a short period of time. You’ll receive one clear invitation.
No countdowns. No pressure. No rush.
You’re invited to join only if it feels right for you at that moment.
2. Get to know me and my perspective on selfgentleness
Through my newsletter, you’ll hear more from me personally. I share stories, reflections, and the way I understand and live selfgentleness in daily life.
You’re free to read along, pause, or unsubscribe at any time.
4. A gentle beginning, together
Once the doors close, we take time to arrive. You’ll get to know the community, explore the foundations of selfgentleness, and gently find your way inside the Academy. There’s space to move slowly, to ask questions, and to choose what supports you most. Nothing to keep up with. Nothing to prove.
MAKING IT STICK
“Being in Femke’s membership is wonderful. Life feels better when I’m taking good care of myself. Her simple, soothing tools don’t take much time, so I actually use them. I’ll keep coming back to these practices whenever I need it.”
-NIENKE westerhof
“I love Femke’s gentle, guiding tone and have already noticed a softer inner voice.”
SOFTER SELF-TALK
- NIta
“Femke sets me up for a self-gentle day with each lesson. It’s like building a new muscle.”
NEW DAILY HABIT
- richard
“I have been meditating with Femke for many years. She has taught me to appreciate selfgentleness and helped me to apply it to many aspects of my life.”
feels supported
- luanne
A year from now you’ll be glad you chose ease today.
YOUR NEXT STEP STARTS HERE
JOIN THE WAITLIST NOW & CHOOSE YOUR PLAN LATER
Monthly
All Tracks, Community & Group Calls
Live Hot-Spot Coaching with Femke
Full On-Demand Library
Cancel anytime
join waitlist
Annual
Everything in Monthly
One payment = 12 months
Two months free (save ≈ 16 %)
Your spot is set for the year
join waitlist
Exact pricing arrives in your inbox when doors open—waitlist first.
MARK RECONNECTED WITH SELF-LOVE
“I found self-love I’d forgotten existed within me.”
During Femke’s guided sessions Mark revisited old memories with newfound kindness. He describes the work as “opening a door to transformation” and keeps coming back to deepen that practice whenever life stirs up old doubts.
JEANNIE FILLED HER OWN CUP
“I was exhausted—now I have hope I can be selfgentle and put myself first.”
Jeannie arrived running on empty, caring for everyone but herself. The Selfgentleness frameworks gave her permission to pause, breathe, and meet her own needs without guilt. She says the biggest win is “saving the one person I can save...me.”
JEN FELT CHANGE IN DAYS
“Those 2-minute practices shift my whole day—I can already feel the difference.”
After testing Femke’s bite-size lessons, Jen began slipping quick selfgentle pauses between everyday tasks and noticed a real shift within a week. Simple, doable steps → steady momentum she can keep building on.
What People Say After Working With Femke
You’re closer than you think.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve done the inner work—now you need help trusting it.
You just want someone to remind you that you deserve your own gentleness—radically and consistently—and to show you how to live it, moment by moment, day after day.
Because the deep work is already behind you, now it’s time to trust it. Let me guide you in supporting yourself with selfgentleness, one step at a time.
You're in the right place.
if you're curious
Join the waitlist — when it feels right.
You’re welcome to add your name to the waitlist.
No strings attached and no pressure to decide anything now.
You’ll receive my newsletter, where I share personal reflections and everyday perspectives on selfgentleness.
When the Academy opens again, I’ll let you know, and you can choose what feels right for you then.
you just need to practice it.”
— dr. femke e. bakker
“You don’t need to earn selfgentleness -
In your first month inside the Academy, you’ll begin to
Pause for two selfgentle minutes between tasks, and feel your breath (and shoulders) gently settle.
Reclaim Me-Time
Find words that let you say calmly and confidently “no, thank you” without drama or lingering guilt.
Set Boundaries Gently
Learn how to turn a harsh thought into a small, selfgentle moment of self-support.
Quiet the Inner Critic
Use nervous-system soothers that bring you back to center in roughly the time it takes the kettle to boil.
Find Everyday Ease
Share your wins or wobbles in the member space, or hop on a live Hot-Seat Group Call when you’d like a face-to-face nudge. You can also opt into a Selfgentle Buddy Match and meet regularly to support each other.
Feel Seen in Community
After the Foundational Path, choose where to focus next — boundaries, emotions, relationships, ease, or whatever feels most relevant right now. Follow what meets you best, and let your focus shift as life does.
Follow Your Tailored Track
hey there!
I'm Femke, your
selfgentle
friend.
Founder of Selfgentleness. Lover of life. Embracer of ease. Happy “no-sayer” when it protects my peace, and wholehearted “yes-sayer” when it feels right. Living together happily with the love of my life. Mum of two (most wonderful adult) kids + a dog and a cat. Sailor. Storyteller. Doing work that I love: research, teaching and writing.
But it wasn't always this way.
Growing up as a parentified kid etched one belief deeply: be strong, adapt, support everyone else. For decades I never asked for help. I showed up for anyone who needed me—loving unconditionally, yet completely out of tune with my own needs and desires. Years of inner work made me see that being the strong one was how I tried to feel worthy of love. I understood the pattern, but each time I tried to put myself first, life happened and pulled me straight back. One day it hit me: if I would not have my own back, no one else would too. I decided to become gentle with myself.
It wasn’t easy at first, but through study, meditation, and countless small experiments I noticed that I felt better. Experienced more ease. I shaped those discoveries into a way of living that I now call Selfgentleness. And everything changed. I stopped explaining myself, learned to say no, and began prioritizing feeling good over pleasing others. Tuning in daily, and giving myself what I actually needed. Letting go of my old stories helped me to define myself who I am today. Selfgentle. Still here to support others, but never at my own expense. I dare to be vulnerable, let my emotions be my compass. I’m proud to be sensitive. I am proud to be me.
Selfgentleness Academy is unlike any other membership because...
It guides you, step by step, into a new way of living
We begin together with The Foundational Path, where I gently guide you through the basics of selfgentleness — learning to accept what is, soothe your nervous system, and set kind, workable boundaries.
From there, you’re free to follow what feels most relevant in your real life — whether that’s boundaries, emotions, relationships, or a new theme that unfolds over time. Practices are short and grounded, so you can listen on a train ride, during a quiet morning, or whenever a small pause fits into your day.
Prefer to wander rather than follow a set order? A smart search helps you find exactly what you need in the moment — whether that’s a two-minute reset for bedtime anxiety or a gentle reminder when things feel tight.
Structure when you want it. Freedom when you need it.
You can bring your questions straight to femke
Each month begins with a gentle anchor — a selfgentleness guide or workbook with practices, or a short video that helps you orient to the theme. Think Cultivating Self-Love, Emotional Resilience, Loving Your Body, Preparing for a Selfgentle Holiday Season, Gratitude, or Letting Go of Perfectionism, to name a few.
Throughout the month, you’ll receive weekly journaling prompts in the community space — small invitations to reflect, share, or simply notice what’s unfolding for you.
Mid-month, we come together in a small Hot-Seat Group Call — never recorded, so the space stays safe and intimate. Bring the knot that’s tugging at you, and I’ll stay with you until we find a gentle next step.
No VIP tier. No extra invoice. Just real conversation, eye to eye — so you’re never practicing alone.
You grow inside a cohort, then tap a wider circle.
Doors open only a few times a year, so you step in with a fresh group, meet at a Welcome Gathering, and begin together with the Foundational Path. That smaller, cozy space stays open for check-ins, voice notes, and shared moments — a place to land as you begin.
When you’re ready, the wider community — people who have walked a little further and are glad to lend a hand — is there for you, one click away.
If you’d like more personal support, the Selfgentle Buddy Match is a gentle way to begin. Safe beginnings. Room to grow.
You stay in charge, always.
Cancel anytime on the monthly plan — or choose the annual option and pay for ten months. Shape your experience so it fits your life.
Float gently or go deeper. Move through the Foundational Path at your own pace, draw inspiration from the monthly Themes, explore the Library, or simply follow what matters most to you right now.
When a specific question comes up, type it into the smart search and land on a practice that helps. Selfgentleness isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula — it’s you, crafting a personal way of living kindly with yourself.
You — just as you are — stay at the center.
This membership gives you everything
you need to live
Anyone can decide to be selfgentle in a single moment. The hard part is the follow-through—especially on the messy days. That’s where Selfgentleness Academy helps: it takes your “I want to be kinder to myself” promise and shows you how to keep it without piling on more pressure. Day after day you’re handed short, doable practices, guidance for the tough moments, and steady reminders that you’re already lovable. Before long you catch yourself using the tools on your own, exactly when you need them most.
So lean back and wonder for a second:
what might happen if you could put yourself first, without feeling that guilt?
with ease & joy
If you want this to be the year that you *finally* commit to:
Waking up without that instant wave of overload and being able to look forward to your day.
Saying “no” cleanly—minus the guilt hangover that usually follows.
Trusting your own voice over the inner critic, so you can act on intuition instead of doubt.
Finding two-minute moments to care for yourself anywhere— in the restroom, on the train, between emails—no rigid routine required.
Using what you already know when life hits the fan, not just on “good” days.
Choosing yourself first, even when others depend on you, and feeling solid (not selfish) in that choice.
This is for you if:
You’ve already explored your own patterns
You’re ready to put yourself first
Two-minute practice sounds doable
You’re hoping for an overnight cure
You’re in acute crisis—professional care comes first
It's probably not for you if...
You’d rather someone else do the work for you
Sources
Ask ChatGPT
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
Join The Waitlist
JOIN THE WAITLIST NOW & CHOOSE YOUR PLAN LATER
Monthly
All Tracks, Community & Group Calls
Live Hot-Spot Coaching with Femke
Full On-Demand Library
Cancel anytime
join waitlist
Annual
Everything in Monthly
One payment = 12 months
Two months free (save ≈ 16 %)
Your spot is set for the year
join waitlist
Exact pricing arrives in your inbox when doors open—waitlist first.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why can’t I join right now?
We open just a few times a year so everyone starts together, meets at the Welcome Party, and moves through The Foundation Path side-by-side. Add your name to the waitlist—no spam, just a personal invite when the next dates are set.
How much time will this take?
Daily practices run start at two minutes. Track lessons are 10–15 minutes—easy to slip into a break. Live sessions last 60–90 minutes and you can watch the replay whenever you like. How much time you spend is always up to you.
What if I miss a live call?
Theme Sessions are recorded and added to the library the next day. Hot-Seat calls are live, but they aren’t recorded—so the space stays private. If you miss one, you can always post your question in the community for feedback.
What if I have a question for Femke?
Post it in the community or submit it ahead of the next Hot-Seat call. I pick the most common themes to tackle live, and we learn a lot from each other’s questions. If yours isn’t covered that month, you can bring it to the following Live or receive feedback from members who’ve faced something similar.
What happens once I join?
You’ll meet the cohort in a live Welcome Session, move through the 10-day Kick-Starter, then choose a Track or roam the on-demand library at your own pace.
How much guidance will I get?
Plenty when you want it: monthly Theme Live, small Hot-Seat calls, and community threads. Or keep it low-touch and lean on the recorded tools—it’s your call.
Do I have to post in the community?
Not at all. Many members start quietly, watching replays and using the library. Share only when you’re ready.
How much does it cost, and can I cancel?
What’s the smart search you mentioned?
You’ll pick monthly (cancel anytime) or annual (pay for ten months, get two free) when doors open. Exact pricing is in your invite email—no surprises.
Type any issue—“let go of feeling responsible” “feeling selfish”—and the search bar surfaces the exact practice, replay, or cheat-sheet you need. No endless scrolling.
6
Years of teaching Selfgentleness
200+
Live sessions hosted
26k+
Meditation plays
784k+
Students helped
Feeling a Little Hesitant?
Let’s Talk It Through
I totally get the hesitation. “Is this really for me?” “Shouldn’t I fix X, Y, Z first?” Or maybe a community filled people like you sounds overwhelming.
It’s okay. You’re okay. Press “Email Me,” and send me your question. I'll read and answer it myself. Promised.
