THIS IS SELFGENTLENESS
You Don't Need To Fix Yourself
You know how to take care of yourself. Until something happens. And just like that, everyone else comes first.
And now you're the last person being gentle with you.
You Don't Need To Fix Yourself
THIS IS SELFGENTLENESS
You know how to take care of yourself. Until something happens. And just like that, everyone else comes first.
And now you're the last person being gentle with you.
You Don't Need To Fix Yourself
You know how to take care of yourself. Until something happens. And just like that, everyone else comes first.
And now you're the last person being gentle with you.
THIS IS SELFGENTLENESS
Creator of Selfgentleness | TEDx Speaker | Researcher at Leiden University
16
Years of teaching experience
200+
Live sessions hosted
28k+
Meditation plays
817k+
Students helped
who this is for
You've Done the Inner Work. And You Keep Coming Back to the Same Place.
You're self-aware. You know what it feels like to be kind to yourself. You've read the books, tried the practices, made real progress.
And still. When something goes wrong, when someone needs something, when you make a mistake, you're the first one you stop being gentle with.
Selfgentleness is for people who know this feeling well. Not beginners. People who have already come far, and want the shift to finally hold.
“Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.”
What is Selfgentleness?
Selfgentleness is a perspective, not a method. It works through three things: becoming aware of how you treat yourself, acknowledging what you actually feel, and honoring yourself with the same gentleness you would offer someone you love.
The daily practice is called tuning in. It takes a few minutes. Over time, it changes how you see yourself, not just what you do.
And that shift reaches further than you might expect. Into how you handle relationships, how you move through hard days at work, how you respond to your own body, how you talk to yourself when you make a mistake. Selfgentleness doesn't stay in one corner of your life. It gradually becomes the lens through which you meet all of it.
This is not something that happens all at once. It happens incrementally, through small consistent moments of choosing yourself. Each one builds on the last. Over time, you stop having to remind yourself. It becomes who you are.
MORE THAN A PRACTICE
Explore Selfgentleness
You’ve Done the Work. What If It Could Be Easy Now?
You’ve read the books. Tried the step-by-step plans. Made the changes. Maybe even gone to therapy. You pushed yourself to grow, and much of it helped. You’ve come far. But lately, you catch yourself wondering: “When will I be done? When will life become easier… for good?”
That’s where Selfgentleness™ begins. Not as one more habit to master, but as a softer, steadier way to care for yourself. The kind that lasts.
You’re Closer Than You Think, Let Me
Help You Get There
You don’t need more motivation, more discipline, or more hard work. You need a way to have your own back—especially when things feel hard. When old patterns show up.
Selfgentleness helps you notice what’s really going on underneath the pressure and expectations… and reminds you that you deserve your own gentleness.
It’s already in you.
I’ll help you trust it.
Meet Dr. Femke Bakker, Creator of Selfgentleness
Hello, I'm Femke
I created Selfgentleness because I needed it myself. If you're reading this, I think you might too.
I know what it's like to do all the inner work and still fall back into old patterns when life gets hard. For years I kept giving everyone around me what I couldn't quite give myself: gentleness.
Selfgentleness grew from that, from my research, my meditation practice, and a lot of personal trial and error. It's what changed things for me, and what I created for you.
I have spent sixteen years researching human behavior and teaching people how to relate to themselves differently.
from the selfgentleness community
What People Are Saying
foundational practices
Three Small Practices. One Shift That Lasts.
The core of selfgentleness is simple. Three tuning-in moments woven into your day. Each one takes about two minutes. And it begins in the evening, because how you close one day shapes how you open the next
Before your feet touch the floor, you greet yourself. You ask what you need. You meet yourself before you meet the world. That changes how the whole day begins.
Before the day closes, you set it down. Gratitude for something small, a forward intention for tomorrow. Your nervous system gets a gentler place to land, and so do you.
A pause somewhere in the middle of things. You notice what's actually going on inside, without judgment, without fixing. Just a moment of being on your own side.
evening
morning
day time
Curious where you are in your selfgentleness process right now?
selfgentleness academy™
Find Ease. Learn to Be Gentle with Yourself
For years I've been looking for the best way to help people actually make the shift to a selfgentle perspective. A course can teach you the practices. But the perspective shift, that gradual, stubborn change in how you see yourself, needs more than that. It needs a process. That's why I built Selfgentleness Academy as a membership.
There's a Foundational Path to get the core practices into your daily life. And then, because life happens in specific ways for each of us, Tracks that let you go deeper in the areas where selfgentleness feels most out of reach right now: relationships, perfectionism, emotions, your body, and many more. A new theme every month, often based on what members tell me they need, helps you focus, so we keep becoming selfgentle alive and relevant.
All of it is designed for one thing: to help you grow, step by step, that inner knowing that you are okay as you are. That you don't need to earn your own gentleness. That you can stop fixing yourself. You've done enough. I want you to experience how much easier life can feel.
