By Dr. Femke E. Bakker
One of the hardest things about selfgentleness is knowing where to begin. After all, we’ve spent years, sometimes decades, ignoring our own needs. So how do we start listening?
The answer is simple, but powerful: tuning in.
What is tuning in?
Tuning in is the core practice of selfgentleness. It means pausing, noticing what’s happening inside you, and allowing yourself to truly feel it. Without judgment, without trying to fix it. Just witnessing what’s here.
It’s deceptively simple. No special tools. No perfect conditions. Just a few seconds of presence.
Why tuning in matters
When you learn to tune in, you learn to listen to yourself again. And that changes everything.
You no longer live by old rules or push through by default. Instead of reacting, you begin to respond. You remember you have a choice. A voice. A need that matters.
Even if you do nothing else, when you know how to tune in, you already have what you need to begin living more selfgently.
A daily tuning-in practice
If you’ve downloaded the Selfgentleness Starter Guide, this will sound familiar. But if you haven’t yet, here’s a simple way to start:
Find a quiet moment (even 30 seconds is enough). Close your eyes and take a deep breath.
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
What do I need?
Then just listen. No fixing. No judgment. Just noticing.
You might feel something clear. You might feel confused. That’s ok. The act of listening is what matters.
Try this once a day for a week. And notice what begins to shift. Not because you’re forcing change, but because you’re building relationship. With yourself.
A tip for deeper practice
Journaling can be helpful. After tuning in, write down whatever came up. Not to analyze, just to process. This simple act can reveal patterns, soften edges, and remind you that your inner world is worth attending to.
And if you tune in and realize you need something that feels big or scary or unfamiliar? That’s ok too. Acknowledging it is already a huge first step.
Selfgentleness is a lifelong process-in-progress. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to begin.
Want support as you begin?
The Selfgentleness Starter Guide + Meditation can help. Inside, you’ll find:
- A printable PDF with the 3-step process (Tune In – Acknowledge – Honor)
- A private audio you can use anytime you need support to tune in
- A simple, powerful way to show up for yourself in daily life
Click here to get it for free →
Be selfgentle,
All love,
Femke
P.S. Take also a look at the selfgentleness evening and morning practices.