From my letters · 6 January 2026

First off, dear friend, I want to wish you a Happy & Selfgentle 2026!!! 

I hope you didn’t set any new year’s resolutions and are now struggling to keep them or beating yourself up because you fell off the wagon. Not that there’s anything wrong with setting any resolutions (even though I think every day is a new opportunity…) but I do know it is wrong to be too harsh towards yourself and forcing yourself to keep them when it’s too hard. 

So, if you did commit yourself and you feel good about going strong on it: great! This obviously fits you!! 

But if you are in that grey area where you are noticing you are contemplating more and more if you will just let go of those goals you planned in December, then please: LET GO! 

And if you are already beating yourself up because you didn’t manage to stick to it until today: LET GO! 

Really, if I want to convey anything for this new year it is: you don’t have to fix yourself. You’re already perfect a you are. Warts and all. Love handles or not. Longer ‘to-do-lists’ than ‘to-want-lists’ or not. All I wish for you is that your thoughts and actions about yourself will be gentle. Forgiving. Compassionate. 

What if you would just set one resolution, one that can start again in any moment of the year, month, week or day: to be as gentle as you can be with yourself. And when you fall off the wagon: no worries, because the good news is that you then notice that you weren’t selfgentle and that all you need to do is to be gentle with yourself.

What would happen if you would be more selfgentle when you mess up? When you disappoint someone? When you carve out that me-time, even when it seems impossible? Take a moment to really ask yourself this. What would happen? Would it feel good to allow yourself to be off the hook, even if it would be for a few minutes? 

Feel free to hit reply and let me know, I’ll personally read your message.

Tips to watch

During the holiday break, we saw a lot of older movies. I so love to revisit movies from the 20st century and see if they still can get me under their spell. The one I want to mention is Big Fish (which is from 2003, so beginning of this century). I expected the special effects to be outdated and ‘spoil’ the spell, but nothing like that happened. 

If you don’t know the movie (yet), it’s a fairytale-ish story about the power of storytelling and the power of love. Fantastic acting (Ewan McGregor, Billy Crudup, Albert Finney, Jessica Lange, Danny DeVito… I mean….. Tim Burton knows how to bring talent together and alive), the effects still appealing and I just love the story telling nature of it. It might have something to do with my own love for storytelling (but that story I’ll tell you in another newsletter!)

Selfgentleness Academy

For those that joined my membership last month: I’m so so so grateful to have you. I love how we interact together, and I love creating every month new themes with new workbooks, videos and other materials! It means so much for me that you chose to be part of Selfgentleness Academy and explore how you can become more and more selfgentle. 

And truly: I so appreciate your support. As Selfgentleness Academy is growing, the founding members are my co-creators. Your questions and feedback is invaluable! Just know that your support of my selfgentleness work makes me grow. You are an intrinsic part of my dream to bring Selfgentleness into the world, and your presence and belief in my work means the world to me. Thank you!

(and we’ll speak soon in Selfgentleness Academy during your 1:1 call and our Group Calls!!!). 

If you didn’t join: I completely understand that it wasn’t your time. Just know that you can always put yourself on the waitlist so you’ll be the first to know when we will open the doors this Spring. No commitment yet, no credit card needed…. Just your intention and we’ll take it from there.

Thanks for reading and let’s have another chat next week! 

Be selfgentle, 

All love, Femke

P.S. This Friday, I go Live on Insight Timer for the very first of the 2026 Live Series: The Selfgentleness Hour. Topic: Why we need selfgentleness. You can sign up (for free) below!