From my letters · 2 December, 2025

Hey lovely friend,

The other night, my husband and I were speaking (I love our talks, we never seem to be out of topics) and one of the things that came up was that I am quite stress proof. Whatever happens, I remain calm and am ready to safe the day. 

A quality, for sure. But while talking I also realized that I am not so much stress proof, but I have taught myself to keep calm, especially when others are in need. It doesn’t mean that the stress doesn’t impact me. I do feel it’s impact. I do get tired, or feel overwhelmed. But I however manage to cope with it, until there is time for me to process my own stress.

The thing is, when you have a default response to not tend to your own stress and needs first, you might run out of energy. The stress might suddenly bite you in the tail. Something that I have experienced often in the past. And that is exactly why I taught myself to treat myself with more selfgentleness. To notice sooner what is truly going on within me, and to be more aware of my own needs, before anyone else’s. 

It takes awareness, and even courage, to stop right in a stressful moment, or when someone does an appeal on me. And to breathe, to tune in and ask myself what I need. And then really listen and honor my needs.

Honestly, sometimes I forget. Sometimes, I step into that old conditioned response of being Super Woman and save the day. But that’s ok. The very most important part of becoming selfgentle is to be okay with my own process. To not beat myself up when I forget to be selfgentle. And you know what, it’s that gentleness to allow myself to be as I am that helps me to actually be selfgentle. Because it is not about being perfect. The opposite. It’s all about being me. In every moment. And to be okay with that. 

The most amazing thing is, that those moments of forgetting of myself become more rare. Or when they happen, I quickly recognize that I’m forgetting about me. And then I know how to find my way back. 

 How’s that for you? Are you ‘stress proof’ but does it just cover up your ability to ignore yourself? 

Take some time this week to feel it through. And let me know, just hit reply and I’ll read your response personally.

Reading tips

When I want to consciously release stress, I love to read a novel that takes me into another world. Recently, I read the novel Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano. I read it in a day and so loved it (I already gifted it to two people, do I need to say more?) If you’re looking for a beautiful story bout the power of love, between sisters and between partners, I would fully recommend it to you!

If you’re more into non-fiction, I can truly recommend the biography  A Different Kind of Power by prior PM of New Zealand Jacinda Ardern. My students at university are also reading this one right now and I think it has  a great message for our world which sometimes feels so harsh and divided.

Proud mum

The other week, I visited the (cum laude) graduation of my oldest daughter, who has now her first degree in becoming an MD (still a lot of years ahead!). I’m so very proud of her. Not so much because she graduated with honors, but mostly because she found a study and profession that truly has her passion and interest. Because believe it or not, when she was in high school, literally nothing interested her. It’s still a miracle she finished high school at all. That she now feels deeply that calling (whatever that calling would have been, btw!) is what makes me most happy for her. 

It was a nice chat! Let’s do this again next week!

All love, Femke 

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