From my letters · 20 January 2026

My last newsletter about storytelling – and especially about how and which stories I consume – hit home with a lot of you, dear friend. Thank you for your emails, telling me your stories, I LOVED that. (If you replied to me, you know this already because I wrote back to you.) I just want to let everyone know that you’re always welcome to press reply and let me know your thoughts. I’ll personally read and answer your message. 

Lately I’ve come to realize that if someone would ask me ‘what I do in life’ and I could use only one denominator, I would say that I’m a storyteller. 

That might sounds like a weird question: mention in one word what you do, but in my case it has been a question I asked myself. Because, how can I bring all my experience, expertise, knowledge, professions together in one word?

Impossible? My CV since I started to study acting at theatre school in 1991, looks, to say the least…. eclectic. Even if I leave out the jobs I did as a working student (or when not having an acting job) – which are even more wildly eclectic from waitress to credit control to managing a pizza joint – the formula looks something like this: 

Actor (TV and theatre) + Script writer + Writer for women’s magazines + PhD researcher + professor in political psychology + Meditation teacher + Selfgentleness teacher + Founder Selfgentleness Academy = X

Now, what would X be? Can only be one word. 

Not so long ago, I would have said that the common thread is my curiosity in human beings: What do they think, believe and do? And WHY do they do so? Because that’s exactly what I’ve explored and am still exploring throughout all (not true: most of) my careers. 

As an actor, using myself as the research instrument, trying to find out why my character was like that. As a screen writer, to give more characters a voice and explore what kind of thinking was behind their behavior. As a researcher, using positivist research instruments (like experiments) to test my hypotheses about behavior. As a meditation and selfgentleness teacher, helping people to explore the possibilities of their own mind and the impact of that exploration on their life. So, yes, I would have said in one word: I’m a humanity-explorer (hyphen is there to make it one word, haha!)

But that one word would ignore an important, if not crucial element of all that I do: I love to tell about my findings. Whether it is through the roles I play, the scripts, articles or publications I write, the teaching at university, or through my newsletter, blog posts, speaking gigs, Selfgentleness Lives, or through all the workbooks, tools and practices I create for Selfgentleness Academy…  

Everything is, in the end, story telling about my perspective on human kind, and how to live an easy and selfgentle life. With a deep wish to bring relief, hope, and gentleness for whomever listens. 

And I suspect, dear First name / one, that you are a storyteller as well. I’ll tell you more about that next week, but If you would love to let me know already, just hit reply. I read your emails personally!

A story to watch

Have you ever seen ‘The Secret Life of Walter Mitty’? The movie is from 2013 and I saw it in the cinema then. It was such a joy to rewatch it last weekend! The strongest feeling I had after seeing it was: such a sweet story! In brief: a very shy person who thinks very little of himself (played by Ben Stiller) uses fantasy to make himself feel better (ok, this is what I did as a kid!!!). And then he’s suddenly drawn in a story that beats his wildest fantasies, to find his bearing and self-trust. I love it when movies or books actively appeal (or better entice) our fantasy. Fantasy has been such a big part of my life. But more about that soon (this letter is already quite long :))

A story to read

One of those other books that I love to gift to people, is a book that (in my experience) lands well with both younger and older people. It’s called The Midnight Library. 

Again, a fantasy full story about living the life you love (or not) and I have read it three times by now, and every time it brings me new insights. 

Speak soon, more storytelling next week.

Be selfgentle,

All love, Femke