From my letters · 27 January 2026
Last week, I mentioned that I think you and I have something in common, my dear friend: story telling.
Actually, I think that humans are all storytellers (even if we are unaware of that). Maybe not always or per se to a large audience, but don’t we all tell stories? About who we are? About what we experience? Better said: aren’t we all using stories to help us have a perspective of ourselves that we can live with (more or less)?
And sometimes, we use stories to explain to ourselves why we aren’t where we want to be. Why we aren’t who we want to be. For years I explained to myself that because my mother was a psychiatric patient, my life was as it was. It took me a totally new story to relate to myself as Femke, unrelated to my mother or upbringing, to start to feel that I was worthy and loveable anyways. No matter the story.
Some time ago I held a Live called: What’s the story holding you back? And in it I said:
“One of the stories that we like to tell ourselves, whether it’s conscious or not, is that we need to do things to deserve that love. That we have to “be good” first. Following the expectations that people have of us, society has of us, and the expectations we have of ourselves. And only then, when we have jumped through all the hoops, we think we have deserved that love. Which is BS, by the way.”
So, let’s take a look at the stories you tell. About yourself. To your friends, family, and (most importantly) to yourself. Are these to compensate for what you feel you’re lacking? Or trying to pimp up what you disapprove of of yourself? Or worse: stories in which you blame yourself for all kind of things?
All in all, I think adopting a selfgentleness perspective can support you to rewrite that story that might have been holding you back. To change that belief that you need to work hard, or put yourself aside (every.time.again) to a more selfgentle one. One where you can allow yourself to be as you are. Without fixing or improving. And with all that you brings, warts and all.
If this resonates, you might want to sit for a moment with this question:
Isn’t living life in an more easy way also about finding a new or at least slightly different story about who I am, what I want, and about how loveable and worthy I am?
And if your answer is yes, what could you do right now to make life easier? To start rewriting that story about why you are this and that into one that claims who you are with gentleness?
Could you try to change at least one of these stories. Slightly? Or, if possible, more radically: stop telling it? What would happen? How would it feel? Let me know if you want to share something about your storytelling with me, just hit reply.
A birthday gift for you
In three days, I’ll turn 54 years old! I always love my birthdays, and I think it has a lot to do with my (kinda weird) childhood. Feeling (and being) very responsible for everyone and everything already at a very young age, it often felt as asking too much to make it be about me.
On my birthday, however….. I felt like I was completely entitled to make it just about me. My party. My attention. My day. And as this softened over the years, especially the more selfgentle I became, what remains is that I still love my birthdays!
And as it is my birthday, I have a gift for you! You might have been curious how Selfgentleness Academy looks inside, and if it is something for you.
Well… as my special birthday gift to you, I would love to give you free access to Selfgentleness Academy for a week. So you can start exploring The Foundational Path, or (re)watch one of my Selfgentleness Lives, or check out one of the Monthly Themes (like Gratitude, Self-love, Emotional Resilience, Body Love, to name a few), or use one of the other tools.
If you would love to receive my birthday gift, this is how it works:
- Just send me an email with the email you would like to use to get access and I’ll add you to the membership. (Just know, I’ll have to add you manually, so it might take a little bit of time before you get access).
- You explore Selfgentleness Academy for one week in your own pace.
- After the week, you can either stop or keep going as a member to explore how you can bring more selfgentleness in your life. Whatever you choose…. you decide!
Just know that it would be a gift for me too. To share my best and deepest work yet on Selfgentleness with you!
Story to watch
The other week, we saw Hamnet in the cinema. It was a beautiful movie (bring your handkerchiefs, just in case) that touched upon emotional healing and the power of love. Ok, honestly, if you know a lot of Shakespeare’s work (which I do) then analytically the story of the movie didn’t make so much sense. (In that respect, I would have preferred if they had used a fictitious character.) At the same time, I would not do justice to the movie on its own merits if I would hold on to that analytical/rational notion, so I will not. Jessie Buckley deserves an Oscar, from my point of view. It was her movie, and she carried it big time.
That was it! Speak soon, more chatting next week.
Be selfgentle,
All love, Femke
P.S. Have you tried my new Selfgentleness Quiz already? Button below!!
